


like real people do

by rain (meggowo)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, Fluff and Angst, Grief and Loss, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Relationship Study, Temporary Character Death, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Yearning, mentioned sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25027555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meggowo/pseuds/rain
Summary: “Are you gonna let me in or not, my dude?” Taako’s voice wavered from disuse, and his brow scrunched up in distaste at the realization.“Oh,” Magnus said, breaking out of his stupor, “of course, come on in!”---Or, a study of Magnus and Taako's relationship through the stolen century.
Relationships: Magnus Burnsides/Taako
Comments: 12
Kudos: 45





	like real people do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crabbiestJellyfish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crabbiestJellyfish/gifts).



> hey!! more angst!! hooray!!
> 
> this is a birthday gift for the wonderful [mj](https://twitter.com/transkiripima) who introduced me to magnus/taako when i first listened to taz balance. i know this is angsty, but i hope you'll appreciate it anyway!! you're the best twit spouse i could ask for, and i love you very much <3
> 
> the title of this fic comes from a song of the same name by hozier. i hope you all enjoy xx

Taako had always been a bit of an enigma to Magnus. He was selfish to a fault when it came to everything but his sister. He projected a personality bigger than himself, and whenever Magnus saw him in off moments it was as if he shrunk into something small, whether consciously or not like it was some sort of defence mechanism. They weren’t all that close, despite it having been twenty years since their crew had first fled the Hunger from their home plane, but they did get along fine, despite how... different Taako was, and how disagreeable he could be at times. 

Magnus made a point to try and spend some time with each of his coworkers whenever possible – sure, he wanted to be on their good sides and getting to know them as individuals seemed to be the best way to do that, but people were always something he’d been good at. Conversation came easy to him, and despite his love for a good fight, he found it easy to care for others and to be mindful of their own wants and needs. Not to say that he let people walk all over him,  _ no fucking way,  _ but when it came to people like Taako, they were harder to read, so he often found himself approaching them with more care and sometimes cautiousness than others warranted. Also fighting the elf probably wouldn’t help them become any closer, and he didn’t want to upset anyone he was going to be living in close quarters with for the unforeseeable future.

He found out very easily that Taako didn’t  _ do  _ friendship with anyone other than Lup. He made himself hard to find when he wasn’t glued to her side, and Magnus didn’t want to make him uncomfortable or force him to hang out when he clearly didn’t want to, so he just… didn’t do anything. They just weren’t a good mix, Magnus couldn’t see how their paths would have ever crossed had they not both been put on the Starblaster crew. Magnus was touchy and bad with boundaries and he was aware of it, and Taako hated physical contact especially when it was from someone he didn’t know well. He had a feeling that his presence itself made the elf irritable. But it was hard to force himself to ignore him when the few years Lup didn’t make it he distanced himself from the rest of them as well. He only came out of his room to work, and he barely ate. Who could blame Magnus for knocking on his door every couple days to check on him and drop off some food? And with the loss Taako had been feeling, who could blame him for ignoring his knocks and leaving the food to grow cold outside his door?

It was after the beach cycle, in cycle twenty-two that their relationship shifted, and Magnus still couldn’t understand the semantics of it. Lup had died extremely early on, on their mission to acquire the Light, only about a month and a half into the year, and nobody had seen Taako for a week. Barry seemed more concerned about him after the previous year, and he dropped by the elf’s room a couple of days, but he left each time disheartened and more concerned. Magnus wanted to give him some space, and instead of his daily visits, he found himself sleeping in the common area to try and see if Taako was at least coming out at night for food. But the elf’s door stayed locked night after night. Finally, he cracked. The next night after everyone had gone to bed, he grabbed some vegetables from the tray that Merle had cut up earlier and a glass of water and approached the door. He knocked as softly as he could, which was still probably too loud and waited by the door. He wasn’t expecting a reply, didn’t even hear any movement beyond the door, so after a couple of minutes of listening he set the plate and cup down on the ground outside the door, gave one last knock which he hoped came across as comforting, and left to turn in for the night.

It was around midnight that the small knock came from his door, and Magnus rose from his bed, bleary-eyed, to answer it. Taako stood on the other side, pale hair shining from the light of the 6 moons that were visible from the window down the hall. His frame was thin and his arms bare, and he shivered in the cold of the night as Magnus stood there, confused and shocked, trying to process whether he was dreaming or not.

“Are you gonna let me in or not, my dude?” Taako’s voice wavered from disuse, and his brow scrunched up in distaste at the realization.

“Oh,” Magnus said, breaking out of his stupor, “of course, come on in!”

Taako walked past him and sat down on the end of his bed in the dark, and Magnus shut the door behind him.

“... Should I get the light? Do you wanna talk?”

Taako sighed harshly as if he was already regretting something. “No, just come here. You’ve been leaving shit to try and make me feel better, right?”

Magnus approached slowly and sat down beside him. “I mean there’s not much that could help right now, is there? I just wanted to make sure you were eating since I never saw you leave your room for food.” Taako shuffled closer and pressed against his side, and he could smell the lavender on his hair. “You would tell us if there was something we could do, wouldn’t you-?”

Taako’s lips cut off the rest of his sentence, and suddenly the elf was in his lap and there were long, thin hands in his hair. Magnus felt awful about it later, but the elf was just  _ so much,  _ so distracting; he smelled nice, like fresh ground herbs and flowers, and his lips were soft and firm against his. It’d been so long since Magnus had kissed anyone and even longer since he’d _ been  _ with anyone, and he didn’t think he’d ever been kissed the way Taako was kissing him then. He lost himself in it, especially when Taako deepened the kiss, moving his hands to his face to thumb at his jaw. He tasted fresh, like the cucumbers Magnus had left for him, and when he moved his hands up to hold him, he was warm and solid and  _ there.  _ Finally, the elf pulled away, leaving Magnus reeling and breathless as he moved to kiss his neck.

“Is this okay?” Taako mumbled against his skin.

“ _ Yes _ ,” Magnus could barely think straight. “What about you?”

Taako snickered briefly in the dark room, and his hands were warm and smooth where they rested on his chest when he pulled back to unbutton his shirt.

Magnus’s bed was empty the next morning, though his pillows still smelled like lavender and thyme. He didn’t know what to think of the night before. 

Taako was in the common area when he finally forced himself out of bed for breakfast, hair pleated back in a long Dutch braid. Davenport, Merle, Lucretia, and Barry were sitting at the kitchen table, and Taako was alone on the couch, reading some old, arcane tome he’d found in one of the previous planes. When he saw Magnus walk into the room, he left quickly out the other door. Magnus held in a sigh and got himself breakfast before sitting down with the crew. Whatever was going on could wait until Magnus had the energy to think about it.

Breakfast was silent; it was if nobody wanted to talk about the fact that Taako had decided to resurface in hopes that it wasn’t an illusion or a one-time occurrence.

Despite the fact that Taako seemed to be back to normal, or, well, his normal without Lup, he seemed to be avoiding Magnus. He helped Davenport with searching despite it being his least favourite task instead of joining Merle and Magnus on their trip down to the surface of the planet, and when Magnus tried to talk to him before they left, he brushed him off and closed a door in his face. Normally thinking too much gave him a headache, but during the entirety of their search on the surface, he just couldn’t get his brain to shut off. The night before had been a mistake, one that definitely shouldn’t have happened. He shouldn’t have let it escalate the way he did, he was supposed to be stronger than that! Taako had probably just been lonely, and Magnus taken advantage of him, hadn’t he? That was probably why he’d been avoiding him, he felt uncomfortable being in the same  _ room  _ as him after that, and Magnus didn’t blame him! Merle seemed to notice something was up, he ended up having to save his ass once when one of the monstrous plants that roamed the surface wrapped their vines around his legs without him noticing. Magnus had never been thankful for Merle’s creepy affinity for plants before, and he never wanted to be again. But Merle stayed silent despite it, only cracking a few jokes at his expense and giving him a knowing look.

Thankfully he didn’t have to rely on the old dwarf’s ‘godly abilities’ again, and they both made it back to the ship before nightfall having found nothing but overgrown plant life and the remains of a town. Whatever civilization that had lived on the planet had long since died out. Lucretia and Taako had made dinner, and it was just a simple stew, but it was more delicious than anything Magnus had eaten since Lup had... passed. Sure, none of them were  _ bad  _ cooks, per se, but there was something about Taako and Lup’s food that was just levels above anything the rest of them could make. The meat melted in Magnus’s mouth and the broth was seasoned to perfection, and for a couple of minutes, Magnus could pretend that he hadn’t screwed up his... budding friendship? Acquaintanceship? With Taako. But then Magnus was chosen to do the dishes, and Taako didn’t even playfully rib him as he would before, and Magnus knew he had to apologize as soon as possible. The seven of them were in an awful situation, and if any of them had problems with each other it might end up messing with all of them.

He finally caught the elf after dinner had been cleaned up, before he could lock himself in his room again, pulling him into a hallway on the opposite side of the ship from the rest of the crew. Taako looked frustrated but resigned, and he sighed deeply, crossing his arms across his chest when they finally stopped.

“Look,” Magnus began, “I’m sorry about last night. You came to me for comfort, I feel like I forced myself on you when you were... emotionally vulnerable. It was a dick move.”

Taako snorted and rolled his eyes. “Okay, buddy. One; don’t  _ ever  _ use my name and ‘emotionally vulnerable’ in the same sentence ever again. And Two; don’t give yourself so much credit. As if  _ anyone  _ could force themselves on  _ me.” _

“Still! It wasn’t decent of me.”

“Whatever. If it bothers you that much, let’s just forget that it happened. Sound good?” From Taako’s voice, it definitely didn’t, but Magnus nodded anyway. He didn’t want to agitate him when he was obviously still grieving.

True to his word, Taako acted as if nothing had happened. They went back to their careful relationship (Magnus was hesitant to call it much of a friendship), and the crew breathed a sigh of relief when Taako stopped locking himself in his room.

They kept each other at a careful distance, even after Lup came back at the beginning of the next year. And for around a decade they were fine, they worked well together like always, both contributed where they could. Taako never brought up that night, so Magnus didn’t either, he was just happy he seemed to be actually getting somewhere with him. And then Lup died again. 

It wasn’t as early in the year as it had been the last time, but it still hit all of them hard. Lup was like the glue that held them all together, especially Taako. She was funny, understanding, and clever, and everyone could feel the hole she left behind as if it was a physical scar. Magnus should have been surprised when Taako showed up at his door that night, but he wasn’t. He just silently opened the door and let the elf in. He hadn’t locked himself in his room last time after he’d visited, if this helped distract him then Magnus was willing to help. Taako was gone again before he woke up the next morning.

From then on, Taako stopped by every time something big happened. A couple of times throughout the rest of that year and the years following whenever Lup got injured or died, and even though they lived on the same ship, Taako was gone every morning, leaving nothing but an indent in the bed behind to tell Magnus he’d even been there. He always pretended it never happened, so Magnus followed his lead, unsure of what else to do. It was a weird relationship, one that Magnus had never thought he’d experience before. They never really talked about feelings, not that Magnus thought that feelings were involved at all, but again, it was weird. In past relationships, he’d never really taken sex into account. It wasn’t that he didn’t like it, it was just that it was usually a person’s personality that attracted him in the first place, so it felt backwards to be sleeping with someone before really knowing them. It was weird being in a relationship where he felt like he wasn’t allowed to know enough about his partner to fall in love, one where the only thing he was wanted for was sex _.  _ He didn’t even know what to call it, and Magnus didn’t like thinking about things too deeply so he pushed it to the back of his mind.

Years passed, and Taako’s visits became more and more frequent, though he only visited a dozen or so times a year. He became a bit easier to talk to after that as if he’d become less guarded around him. Magnus found that Taako could be funny, extremely so; his dry humour and sarcastic wit always left Magnus laughing loudly. He was clever and scarily intelligent despite how much he teased Barry for being a nerd, and he knew more languages than Magnus could list by memory. He was also hugely guarded and protective of his sister, and though that was something Magnus had known for ages he had never quite known how far deep that defensive streak ran. He came to know Taako as someone who was slow to trust, slow to care, but fiercely protective of those he held close to him. He wondered if Taako considered him a part of that circle.

Getting to actually  _ know  _ Taako was wonderful, of course, but with it came the act of knowing and being known, and Magnus had never been all that great at controlling his feelings. And it sucked, because before he might not have thought of Taako in that way, but now that there was even the slightest possibility of it being okay for him to fall, he could feel himself starting to care for the elf. He could feel it building up inside of him like a bucket placed under a leak in the roof, slowly filling with water after each  _ drip... drip... drip...  _ every time Taako laughed or smiled, or Magnus opened his door in the dead of night to him standing in the hallway, face glowing silver in the moonlight from decades worth of different planes. And he found, just like with everyone else in the crew, that loving Taako was easy.

But it felt wrong somehow.

It was strange to think, especially with the way they’d started, but he wanted... more. He wanted to talk openly with him, to hold him even when there were other people around. He wanted to wake up to him in the mornings, to find out what he looked like half asleep with his hair a mess. But he swallowed all of that down. Taako made it clear that this thing between them would never escalate every time he decided to pretend that it wasn’t happening. With anyone else Magnus might have pushed the topic anyway, he did care about how others treated him, but this was Taako. He knew the minute he pushed too hard he would lose the careful closeness they’d accomplished together.

  
  
  


Years passed and it was no longer new. Magnus came to know Taako’s body better than his own, and with time the ever-increasing hurt settled into somewhat of a background ache, like a bad knee, or a sprained ankle. Like the growing pains, he could still remember from childhood, even over half of a century later. He was learning to deal with it. Learning to push himself that little bit harder when he couldn’t seem to shake his thoughts, learning that distractions were his best friend. He took to spending more time with Lucretia, but he could never bring himself to tell her about it. It was beginning to become his new normal, he was becoming better at dealing with it.

And then they got to the Legato Conservatory, in cycle forty-seven.

It was weird, seeing your family nearly every day for almost fifty years straight, and then having to go without them all at once. Everyone was so focussed on their own projects, and dorms for each of the sections were on different parts of the conservatory campus so Magnus barely saw anyone other than the other woodworkers. The other students were nice, of course, and he liked them all a fair amount, but they were all just as focussed and he didn’t want to distract them. He was awful at this kind of loneliness, his family was out there, not even that far away and certainly not dead, but he just couldn’t see them other than in passing. He wondered if his family missed him at all. Taako and Lup were probably still seeing each other tons, he couldn’t see either of them letting the other out of their sight for long. He hadn’t seen either of them, so he wouldn’t know. He hadn’t seen Barry either, though that was probably because he was invested in his own project. Magnus hoped there was someone around to remind him to eat and rest, he was so easily sucked into his work. Magnus met with Merle, Davenport, and Lucretia at least once a month for lunch, though they didn’t spend more than an hour together each time. They seemed to be doing great, relishing in the independence the plane bought them rather than feeling the loneliness that Magnus found it so hard to deal with. It was hard to see, and Magnus wondered if they were looking forward to the end of the year as much as he was.

A couple of months into the year, Taako showed up at Magnus’s dorm before dinner. He said that he hadn’t seen or heard from Lup or Barry since they’d all split ways at the beginning of the year and though he tried to shove off how upset he was about it Magnus could tell he was distressed at being left behind. He hadn’t been without any of them in almost fifty years, how could he not be? And Magnus knew it wouldn’t end well for him, but how could he ignore Taako’s unspoken plea for companionship when he knew he could do something about it? He asked him to stay with him, and their relationship took on a different light.

It was a small dorm, and Taako refused to sleep on the couch or force Magnus out of his bed, so they squeezed together in Magnus’s double bed. It was awkward the first couple of nights. Magnus wasn’t used to being that close to Taako unless they were doing… something else, so it took a bit to get used to the feel of a warm body next to him and his soft breathing when he fell asleep… and Magnus finally learned what it was like to wake up next to him. His long blonde hair was always gorgeous, but the sunlight dyed it a soft, buttery yellow that draped across his pillows like rays of liquid sunshine. It contrasted against his caramel skin. Magnus had never been able to see his freckles so clearly, he’d always visited in the dark, but now he could see them everywhere; on his cheeks, his arms, his thighs. He pressed light, delicate kisses into them whenever possible. Taako’s green eyes shone like emeralds and glinted when they fluttered open, the remnants of thick eyeliner from the day before still smudged on his lids. Bits of sparkling jewellery hung from his long ears and caught the sunlight, glimmering like stars. He was gorgeous, and it made Magnus’s heart thump in his chest like a bird was trapped inside his ribcage.

Weeks passed much quicker when Taako was around. Sure his workdays always passed by fast, woodworking was fun after all, but Taako made his evenings and days off more entertaining. They ate breakfast and dinner together every day, and on off days they would explore the planet together. The domesticity of it all was hard to deal with; he found out that Taako was a late sleeper; he always stumbled out of the bedroom a couple of hours after Magnus, and he wouldn’t speak before grabbing a cup of coffee from the pot that Magnus prepared when he woke up. They would eat together and watch the sunrise before Magnus had to leave for the woodshop. Taako always greeted him outside when he was leaving, and they would eat at one of the conservatory’s restaurants if they weren’t cooking. The nights where they did cook were Magnus’s favourites; Taako would pull him to the farmers market on their way home and they would spend time picking vegetables and cuts of meat, and then they would spend the evening in the kitchen, aprons wrapped around their waists, and Taako would try to teach Magnus to cook. Magnus was already decent at it, but he quickly found that playing his ignorance up was the quickest way to get the Taako to laugh.

His feelings grew scarily fast that year; the domesticity of it all, having Taako in his space just made him melt. It was all that he wanted tied up in a package with a neat bow; the closeness, the openness, the laughter, and he felt bad about it but he didn’t want the year to end. It was the kind of relationship he’d been craving for so long, and he tried to enjoy it as best he could because if there was one thing he realized throughout that year it was that none of it was going to end well for him.

The end of that cycle came quick, much quicker than he would have liked, and soon they were all back on the ship, now with Fisher, and everything was seemingly back to normal. Taako unsurprisingly acted as if they hadn’t lived together like a couple for almost an entire year, but he still visited. Never for anything other than sex, of course, and he still left before Magnus woke up, but he seemed softer, almost. 

Magnus wasn’t stupid enough to think they’d fooled the rest of the crew into ignorance about the true nature of their friendship, especially with how much closer he knew they were acting after that year. He was at least certain that Lup knew. Taako was her brother, after all, how could she not? Though her new relationship with Barry seemed as much of a distraction as anything.

It was one morning, decades later in cycle 81, Magnus was grabbing breakfast in the kitchen. He was up earlier than normal; Taako had visited the night before and he’d wanted to try and wake up before he left but to no avail. So there he was, grabbing some toast to try and distract himself from how early it was when Lup walked in. She was wiping sleep from her eye, and Magnus found himself watching her as she walked over to one of the cabinets to grab a box of cereal. She and Taako looked identical, though her hair was short while Taako preferred to keep his long. He couldn’t see himself ever being able to mix them up, though, even if their hair looked the same. Lup held herself in a similar way, one that told of her confidence and natural charisma, but she was softer. Her heart glowed through her skin and her smile while Taako kept his hidden behind huge stone walls. 

Lup seemed to feel his eyes on her, and before he could say good morning she looked him straight in the eye and… he could tell. She knew exactly what was going on and she looked  _ guilty,  _ like it was somehow her fault, guilty like Magnus was making a mistake, like she knew he was going to hurt. He didn’t know how to tell her that he was fine without sounding insincere, so they just stood there, staring at each other, until Barry’s voice called out from down the hall. Lup studied him for a second longer before giving him a gentle nod and walking away with her bowl of cereal, leaving him alone in the kitchen.

He was fine… wasn’t he?

It was the next year when Taako gave her the best day ever, and she and Barry became liches. That was the first night Taako visited that didn’t end with them sleeping together. He was silent, and he didn’t speak unless spoken to, but he let Magnus hold him and he smelled like fresh herbs. Taako started staying in his room every night after that as he had at the Legato Conservatory, but this time it felt different. They still slept together often, but most nights Taako just laid there silently. Magnus didn’t know what to do for him so he just let him stay there and held him, let him set the boundaries, despite how lonely it felt to wake up every morning to a cold bed and an empty heart.

Then one night, a couple of cycles later, he stopped showing up altogether.

Magnus was hurt, but he didn’t want to talk to Taako about it. He’d made it abundantly clear by now that whatever this was it was on his terms. If Magnus were to approach him about it, it would end badly and that was the last thing he wanted. He knew he wasn’t acting himself, but it was fine. In cycle ninety-two they came up with a plan to finally stop running, and he knew he wouldn’t have to pretend much longer.

Taako visited him one final time, the last night before cycle ninety-nine, and despite Magnus’s knowing that he couldn’t do it much longer he opened the door for him and let him in. It felt monumental, in a way; it was almost like they both knew the next cycle would be their last.

  
  
  


Magnus first heard Taako’s voice in a tavern of all places. It was loud and he could barely hear his companion’s - Barry Bluejeans? - voice over the surrounding chatter. He was just trying to hammer down a job, he’d been on the road a long time chasing rumours about it; apparently it paid well and it wouldn’t take him years like his last one did. And he would be working with others which would be perfect - if he went any longer without something to distract him from his memories of Julia he didn’t know what he would do. It’d been a couple of years since her death, but every time he thought of her the wound that tore at his heart hurt like it was fresh. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to forget the way she moved or how her laugh radiated sunlight. Her smile had been so warm and her hands had been scarred and calloused from working in the woodshop all her life. He’d always told her that he liked them better that way, he could remember kissing every single scar on her knuckles. He missed her more than he would ever be able to put into words.

A particularly rowdy group was just leaving the tavern and Magnus was happy to finally be able to hear Barry when a tall, lanky, elven figure pulled a chair from a nearby table and sat down at the end of theirs with the same swagger as if they’d been begging him to all evening. Magnus was just about to tell him off when he froze.

Did he… know him? He was hit by such a thick wave of  déjà vu that he almost felt nauseous, and he barely heard him ask if Barry needed more backup on his mission. Everything about the elf felt so familiar, though he didn’t know why; his long blonde hair glinted in the firelight like strings of gold, and he had freckles dotting his cheeks. The way he moved was graceful, fabric hung off of his thin frame like a cloak, and the timbre of his voice struck such a chord in him that he went silent for a couple of minutes trying to figure out where he’d heard it before. The elf’s skirt was slitted up his thigh, and somehow Magnus knew with absolute certainty that if it were to cut a little higher up there would be a birthmark there on his right thigh. The thought made Magnus force down a blush and look away.

“Oh, hey there, my dude, didn’t see you there,” the elf crooned, a mischievous, wide grin on his face. He held out his hand for Magnus to shake. “The name’s Taako!”

Magnus snorted; there was no way he hadn’t seen him. But he wasn’t one to cause too much of a fuss over nothing, especially after Julia, so Magnus took his hand. It was thin and delicate in his, the hand of a spellcaster, and the nauseating familiarity came back full force.

“I’m Magnus. It’s nice to meet you!”

**Author's Note:**

> come scream at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/xsunshowerx)!!!


End file.
